Rehosting "Max Landis sucked my dick once"
Jan 26, 2020
American politics, for lack of a better term , is not politics — but we need a better term, desperately, because not having one is driving you all insane. The modern understanding of democracy is, in the first place, designed to accomplish as little as possible and grind politics to a standstill. Based on the idea that all governments have historically failed at something important and that we grew to distrust the very notion of leadership, we designed a government to do as little effective political work as possible, so as to minimise the amount of failure. But as all utilitarianism, since we can’t quantify the fundamental essence we are measuring, it is a greater failure in total than any amount prevented — I can say that, because I am a deontologist.
I’m just saying that to give you a break — it’s a rough deal in the first place. But as with all things american, they take things to extremes. The amount of actual political action in Europe is approaching zero, in america, it’s far in the negatives. Design a system of governance around fear of tyrants, and you will get a country that lives in perpetual fear, ruled by lawyers.
There is no such thing as realpolitik, on a federal level. I can’t speak to the states internally, but I assume that local politics work like it does everywhere else in the world, and as depicted in your wonderful television show The Sopranos.
My basic premise is that the fundamental culture of the united states is that of a travelling circuses and carnies. The basic driving force behind the country was originally that of a steppe people, driving westwards on horses, pillaging and conquering as you wen, and now you have settled, convinced yourself that you are Greeks, or Iranians, or some other historical reference to a conquered empire, you have settled into the local culture and larp as them. But you cannot deny your true nature. the steppes call to you.
The way I imagine it is this. American culture is the lowest common denominator possible — culture, in the broadest sense of the word, is already the “lowest common denominator” in habits and tastes between a group of people, it works both on micro and macro scale. What’s unique about the american experiment, is that it’s lower than anywhere else in the world, because the settlers who established it came from all over Europe. Everything about Americans is simple and direct to the point of vulgarity, there is no place for subtlety in their language, their custom, their entertainment, or their politics. There is no tradition for Irony — in America, it has only been invented in the last 10 years.
Consider this simple parable: it’s 1700 and I’m cold and life is fucking hard, and I have to sell these fucking pelts to this fucking Frenchman or Irishman or whatever the fuck over here, we live in fucking anarchy with no oversight or central power to secure good social behaviour or business deals, trust is hard to come by because we don’t share a common tongue and can barely understand a word each other are saying, so we have to talk to each other in stupid baby language.
Repeat that x¹⁰ for a couple of hundred years, and you have the recipe for american (social, day to day) culture. You have nothing in common, you can’t understand each other, and you are a travelling people who have settled, against your basic nature (culture).
(for the record I believe it’s 100% culture and zero percent breed, but I’m also serious about it, and I believe that the moment you step inside your wretched country and speak your wretched bastard tongue, you become a domesticated horseman, and all the weight of generations of bloodshed and misery infests you, the ghost of aforementioned pelt hunter possesses you in some way, and you share his generational animosity and suffering. or, you know, you're at least another fresh off the boat europoor who has absolutely nothing in common with anyone and can’t understand anyone. And so the cycle continues.)
That’s all very interesting, I’m sure. But what has that got to do with wrestling, if anything?
What I described above is the “lower”, social meaning of the word culture. the “what we expect of each other” kind of culture. The rules for social conduct that it is impolite to articulate, but crucial to follow. Wrestling is the other side of the coin; wrestling is american High Culture; the arts, music, opera, etc.
Consider the origins of professional wrestling: travelling troupes of circus freaks and carnies. Sound familiar?
Indulge me, and let us ask: what made play fighting so popular in america of all places. what is unique about american culture, that fosters a love for theatrical athletic pretend fights?
The obvious answer is, it’s simple and direct to the point of vulgarity. it’s blunt, like hitting a Frenchman on the head when he tries to pull a french trick on you and underbid on the pelts. It’s a very, very low common denominator. But is it? Or is there something more, ironiccc, going on?
The moment I grokked american pro wrestling, everything about american culture, high and low, fell into place for me. It is seeped right into you at every level. American wrestling is the Rosetta stone to understanding the American.
The appeal is not, as Max Landis tried to convince me after I sexually assaulted him, the drama and operatic heightened reality of the decade long story-lines. The appeal is getting to be Max Landis, and getting to explain it*, getting to be “in the know”, getting to be one of those who “get it”.
What’s in the box? There’s nothing in the box. I know there’s nothing in the box, and YOU know there’s nothing in the box — but all those suckers, over there? THEY don’t even know what’s in the box! It doesn’t matter that there is nothing to “get” — you get it.
The actual fight is secondary, it’s all the stuff surrounding it that’s the appeal. narratives and hype, a team to be a part of. In sexual terms, it’s 4 hours of foreplay and 20 minutes of sex. In masturbation terms, it’s edging. The climax isn’t the point, we’re all just enjoying being here man. Being part of it all, you know.
(*or preferably, getting not to. Max Landis is a weirdo autist with no social graces, and by explaining “wrestling isn’t wrestling” in his popular youtube video, he is breaking the faux pas about not directly talking about it.)
All public american political discussion is hype shows for the next big debate. it’s advertisement, but it’s advertisement you get to be a part of and cheer for your favourite guy. Because you “get it”. You don’t REALLY like wrestling, you are just doing it ironically.
You don’t care that the fights are fixed — that’s not the point! We all know we fights are fixed, God, groan, you just don’t get it, MOM. It’s about the narratives and the operatic heightened reality of the drama. It’s about checking out My Guy’s promotional video where he yells vulgarities at his rival. It’s about when Bernie Sander’s said women can eat shit, he’ll send them all to cocksucker hell before he’ll ever let Warren become the democrat nominee.
No one cares about who wins, really. It’s not about who wins the fight, it’s about everything tangential, everything surrounding it.
God, we KNOW the democratic institutions are purely for show and that non-elected “professionals” comprise a bureaucratic “deep state” that never sees the light of day, Groan, Geez, You Just Don’t Get It Man. Is wrestling fake? God yes. Fake news, fake politics, fake history, fake identity, fake culture. Americans are a fundamentally unreal people. But saying it outright is a social faux pas. Ultimately, it is a game — and a very real one, just a different one than on the surface. The game is nihilism, making a game of not-believing. The game is pretending to believe that wrestling is real, and feeling clever that someone else (stupid, idiot) isn’t in on it.
Being online is a new kind of wrestling. Or more precisely, it has opened up the playing field. It’s an open mike night of wrestling. An open ring? I don’t know if there is such a concept in actual wrestling already, because honestly I don’t really know anything about wrestling and I think it’s stupid.
Opening up the show like that, by accident, has made it very difficult for the writers to write a satisfying narrative. The pen isn’t mightier than the sword. But a a million monkeys with a million typewriters?
Your street fights and parades are yet another step towards the vulgar, towards wrestling, in the classic sense. Complete with costumes and actual fights! violence! …and script writers, narratives…
You want your culture war? You want your civil war? You’re gonna get it. And it’s going to be a big larp about nothing, just the way you like it. But I see right through you buddy. I know it’s just because you like to see naked guys get hot and heavy. you’re gay bro
This is all however not to say that politics doesn't matter because it’s all a show, and you should focus on your immediate community, because you don’t have any real way to influence the higher levels, and you have all the power in the world to be a good neighbour and strengthen your communal bonds and make your neck of the woods a nicer place to live, stop caring about high minded abstracts and ideals that doesn't actually impact anything in the real world and go “clean your room.”
That’d be stupid. For that to be true, you would already know. That’s the point. Everyone knows.
I’m saying american politics is wrestling. And there is a way to “win” wrestling.
I would suggest *not* getting involved in local politics. Imagine ending up on the opposite side of your boss in a zoning dispute. Imaging being gauche enough to sit in the gallery of a courtroom, and applaud one side of the other.