Quite pleasant indeed. Also thanks for bringing into a new light for me the whole notion of hurting ourselves a little bit to not hurt the other person. I have always felt a slight discomfort in the whole ,,How are you?" without it actually meaning something but you are making it very clear why we do that sort of thing, without even thinking about it.
"The most annoying person I've ever met was a woman who wanted to be masculine, and her idea of masculinity was the class bully she had a crush on at 12 years old."
This paragraph is revealing and acts as a cultural indictment. Anything can be toxic if framed as such. It is a shame what has been done to the common parlance of masculinity.. war on words marches on
I truly feel as though I would enjoy a Greek symposium with you as well as some of the folks who comment on here.
The NPC Question series is very enjoyable and I hope you continue it. How you have framed the public/private sphere is impressive and speaks volumes towards the underlying psychodynamics we see playing out in society. It has been difficult for me to frame such variables to someone else, either verbally or written, for one it is a complex topic, but I also have the tendency to become tangential .. and most dinner party conversations do not permit the teaching of a semesters worth of material just to frame a concept. Yet, you have articulated an excellent primer in just a few short essays. Bravo.
They ( watch out, another one) have demonstrably infantilized society, and have essential interpreted Ashley- Coopers "Characteristics of men, manners, opinions, times, etc " as an inversion of itself, or rather, something to be discarded.
I think, one has to learn to self-objectify before they can truly understand virtue. Unfortunately with everyone living in private spaces, virtue is a mere specter. Thanks again for the words to consider and keep up the good writing.
you should find a hobby that isn't being offended by how other people choose to identify themselves. Out all the problems in the world, that _some_ people choose to hyperfocus on a minor issue such as this, says more about them than the person making the request. Saying 'the existence of transgender people makes me uncomfortable because they violate what I assumed to be permanent and unchanging categories' would at least be honest, instead of this display of mental gymnastics. At what happens if you refuse to do what they ask? Nothing. If you're on the internet someone might call you a mean word.
Honestly, this sort of worrying makes you seem like you're five. Which isn't far from the truth. If you live in society, you adhere to certain social rules. Such as waiting in line, or not screaming in public. It's a basic human consideration towards other's time and space. You don't have to, but then don't be suprised when people refuses to associate with you. That doesn't make you a victim, just a prick
Summary: You meet one (1) trans person after only hearing about trans people on the internet. You are somehow disappointed that she does not "force the issue" of her gender identity, yet also conclude, after this one (1) experience, that everyone like her is "making you commit vulgarity" and "threatening" you with "demands." So what should she be: more or less of a "coward"? You find her "boring," so you assume that every trans person is also "boring," a "weirdo," a "baby," and a "hulking neanderthal." I am putting your words in quotes to politely suggest that the "vulgarity" is coming from you. I have no doubt after reading this that there is actually a "bloodbath" happening inside you which relates to "insecure" feelings about your own gender identity, but it is not the responsibility of trans people to take you out of your "baby world" in which you only recognize people as self-aware, intelligent human beings when they "ask for it in the right way." The extremely broad conclusions you reach after one (1) real-life interaction with a trans person pretty clearly indicate that you "don't care about being right," only "externalizing the vulgarity" that you experience from the "bloodletting" of being "normal." Believe it or not, problematizing social norms is the process everyone needs to go through in order to live in anything other than a "baby world" in which the "arbitrary ruleset of behavior" one is born into is not taken at face value. I'm sorry that no trans person has ever thought you were "interesting" enough to be a part of their lives in the "real world." Maybe it would help if you stopped "being a smart-ass" and a "dick."
Thank you for this synopsis of the “NPC” question! I don’t know if you’ve mentioned it before, but I believe people are slowly turning into an advanced medieval court jester. The internet troll has been a new concept relative to the private sphere and when you look at the etymology of “troll” one 16th century definition was “to lure on as with moving with a bait, entice, allure.” Other older definitions well before the internet was “to cruise in search of sexual encounters”(homosexual slang). To my knowledge a jester/troll was never to be taken seriously. But now, since about 2015, we’ve had these inappropriate ideals shoved down the throats of millions. I say 2015 because that’s when Caitlyn Jenner won the “woman of the year award”. Despite some immediate outrage, making that public announcement and receiving an award was essentially congratulating the jester, so the troll now had power/leverage. It only goes down from here. Another crusade maybe?? (I’m trolling)
Returning to this text as I plan a gathering for a bunch of people who would despise each other on Twitter. Gonna vibe so hard they get along. Thanks Randy ol pal.
I have noticed in the last maybe 15-20 years overuse in office longhouse of politeness formulae by those in charge to those they command--eg ending emails with thank you when no request is made. This too is a violation of sociality, but instead of trying to upend the politeness paradigm (which as you say depends on willingness to accept microhumiliation), it is *amplified* in order to bring to bear even more strongly existing assymetries of power.
This passive-aggressive strategy plays on anxieties about preserving the 'moral community' (cf. KMac). It is designed to trap he who fails to respond in kind, making the overuser seem 'polite' in spite of the 'impoliteness' of her (it is usually a her) interlocutor. The overuser/attacker calculates that refusal by the attacked to participate in *much greater than normal* self-humiliation--by his refusal to extend exaggerated politeness to his attacker, within bounds re-set arbitrarily by his attacker--will negate evaluation of the justice or otherwise of her attack and the punishment she has chosen for him.
I wonder if you have noticed this and what you think about it.
Quite pleasant indeed. Also thanks for bringing into a new light for me the whole notion of hurting ourselves a little bit to not hurt the other person. I have always felt a slight discomfort in the whole ,,How are you?" without it actually meaning something but you are making it very clear why we do that sort of thing, without even thinking about it.
This was great, thank you.
So many great parts but this :
"The most annoying person I've ever met was a woman who wanted to be masculine, and her idea of masculinity was the class bully she had a crush on at 12 years old."
This paragraph is revealing and acts as a cultural indictment. Anything can be toxic if framed as such. It is a shame what has been done to the common parlance of masculinity.. war on words marches on
I truly feel as though I would enjoy a Greek symposium with you as well as some of the folks who comment on here.
The NPC Question series is very enjoyable and I hope you continue it. How you have framed the public/private sphere is impressive and speaks volumes towards the underlying psychodynamics we see playing out in society. It has been difficult for me to frame such variables to someone else, either verbally or written, for one it is a complex topic, but I also have the tendency to become tangential .. and most dinner party conversations do not permit the teaching of a semesters worth of material just to frame a concept. Yet, you have articulated an excellent primer in just a few short essays. Bravo.
They ( watch out, another one) have demonstrably infantilized society, and have essential interpreted Ashley- Coopers "Characteristics of men, manners, opinions, times, etc " as an inversion of itself, or rather, something to be discarded.
I think, one has to learn to self-objectify before they can truly understand virtue. Unfortunately with everyone living in private spaces, virtue is a mere specter. Thanks again for the words to consider and keep up the good writing.
you should find a hobby that isn't being offended by how other people choose to identify themselves. Out all the problems in the world, that _some_ people choose to hyperfocus on a minor issue such as this, says more about them than the person making the request. Saying 'the existence of transgender people makes me uncomfortable because they violate what I assumed to be permanent and unchanging categories' would at least be honest, instead of this display of mental gymnastics. At what happens if you refuse to do what they ask? Nothing. If you're on the internet someone might call you a mean word.
Honestly, this sort of worrying makes you seem like you're five. Which isn't far from the truth. If you live in society, you adhere to certain social rules. Such as waiting in line, or not screaming in public. It's a basic human consideration towards other's time and space. You don't have to, but then don't be suprised when people refuses to associate with you. That doesn't make you a victim, just a prick
Is that you Kap.
I also play the piano, lift weights, try to kiss girls. If anything i have too many hobbies
Well I'd recommend doing more of those
99% of the time, if you go up to someone being a dick and ask them to stop being a dick in a calm but firm tone of voice, they'll stop being a dick
Since no one else has said it yet: thank you for the insightful sermon on vulgarity, "cumlasagna1".
Jeez, sorry I brought it up.
Summary: You meet one (1) trans person after only hearing about trans people on the internet. You are somehow disappointed that she does not "force the issue" of her gender identity, yet also conclude, after this one (1) experience, that everyone like her is "making you commit vulgarity" and "threatening" you with "demands." So what should she be: more or less of a "coward"? You find her "boring," so you assume that every trans person is also "boring," a "weirdo," a "baby," and a "hulking neanderthal." I am putting your words in quotes to politely suggest that the "vulgarity" is coming from you. I have no doubt after reading this that there is actually a "bloodbath" happening inside you which relates to "insecure" feelings about your own gender identity, but it is not the responsibility of trans people to take you out of your "baby world" in which you only recognize people as self-aware, intelligent human beings when they "ask for it in the right way." The extremely broad conclusions you reach after one (1) real-life interaction with a trans person pretty clearly indicate that you "don't care about being right," only "externalizing the vulgarity" that you experience from the "bloodletting" of being "normal." Believe it or not, problematizing social norms is the process everyone needs to go through in order to live in anything other than a "baby world" in which the "arbitrary ruleset of behavior" one is born into is not taken at face value. I'm sorry that no trans person has ever thought you were "interesting" enough to be a part of their lives in the "real world." Maybe it would help if you stopped "being a smart-ass" and a "dick."
I don't believe you feel sorry for me at all actually, but thank you for reading
Genuinely appreciate that response. But yeah I don’t
The great debate: "How are you?" vs "What's up?"
Thank you for this synopsis of the “NPC” question! I don’t know if you’ve mentioned it before, but I believe people are slowly turning into an advanced medieval court jester. The internet troll has been a new concept relative to the private sphere and when you look at the etymology of “troll” one 16th century definition was “to lure on as with moving with a bait, entice, allure.” Other older definitions well before the internet was “to cruise in search of sexual encounters”(homosexual slang). To my knowledge a jester/troll was never to be taken seriously. But now, since about 2015, we’ve had these inappropriate ideals shoved down the throats of millions. I say 2015 because that’s when Caitlyn Jenner won the “woman of the year award”. Despite some immediate outrage, making that public announcement and receiving an award was essentially congratulating the jester, so the troll now had power/leverage. It only goes down from here. Another crusade maybe?? (I’m trolling)
Returning to this text as I plan a gathering for a bunch of people who would despise each other on Twitter. Gonna vibe so hard they get along. Thanks Randy ol pal.
I have noticed in the last maybe 15-20 years overuse in office longhouse of politeness formulae by those in charge to those they command--eg ending emails with thank you when no request is made. This too is a violation of sociality, but instead of trying to upend the politeness paradigm (which as you say depends on willingness to accept microhumiliation), it is *amplified* in order to bring to bear even more strongly existing assymetries of power.
This passive-aggressive strategy plays on anxieties about preserving the 'moral community' (cf. KMac). It is designed to trap he who fails to respond in kind, making the overuser seem 'polite' in spite of the 'impoliteness' of her (it is usually a her) interlocutor. The overuser/attacker calculates that refusal by the attacked to participate in *much greater than normal* self-humiliation--by his refusal to extend exaggerated politeness to his attacker, within bounds re-set arbitrarily by his attacker--will negate evaluation of the justice or otherwise of her attack and the punishment she has chosen for him.
I wonder if you have noticed this and what you think about it.