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Ungvári Péter's avatar

Confession: reading this post, along with some other posts on this blog, I'm under the suspicion that in the near future, I will be able to make a time machine, travel to the past and start a Substack called Egg Report. Reading these posts is like having a Tyler Durden writing a post about my experiences – only better. Thank you.

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Grug's avatar

"You don’t think you are worthy of it. You don’t think you deserve being a good person. So you covet, or whatever it is for you. I covet. I covet real bad."

it is crazy how it seems on some level to be the height of ego to say such a thing, and yet i have on more than one occasion in the past wondered if this is the root of my problem. i try to get better, or i think i try, who knows, but eventually it's like i decide that my sins are part of me, that i can't let them go, and i throw myself back into the dirt. i don't even enjoy it but i just keep doing it.

i can't figure out how to get there from here. i can't figure out how to stop being afraid to actually care for myself and how to stop hurting myself.

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