the war on Christmas
short thoughts on death and solstice
True friendship is so rare. The only friend I ever had, the only TRUE friend, who made me feel seen and known, is a man I should have killed. For my own sake and for the worlds, both. To this day he is out there somewhere causing misery and pain, while being in misery and pain, waiting for someone or something to put him down. Provoking the world, ”catch me if you can”.
Not saying its a death wish, but he does have the impulse, the desire for ultimate power to prevent him, and he transgresses in the worship of this power, in the hope that it might one day eventually manifest and destroy him. Restrain him. Loki wanted to get caught and tied up in the entrails of his own son - victim blame Norse gods. Loki shouldn’t have been wearing that horse’s skin. But I digress.
God’s test of me is this. The only person who ever truly made me feel seen, understood, my only peer and companion – the only ”solution” to my core existential ”problem” - this man is a devil. destructive sadism incarnate. The test is dangling everything I ever wanted in front of me, while telling me: if you receive it, it will destroy you. Its a complicated test. Its teaching me that what I desire is wrong. “You have to find a way to want something different”. Abraham. ”I have to kill him”.
All men are the last of their line. Being a man is to be existentially circumcised, we are alien to being in a way that women are not. Women are Of-Nature, ”of” the world. Their troubles are navigating this dual being, of being both nature and man. Its by no means easy. But it is different. Women can give birth, and this makes them part of the Green, of being, of life. To the degree that women are of-life, men are of-death. Dual being of both death and man.
All men are the last of their line. All men die heirless. The extent to which we can transcend death and time is limited; only intellectually, only through virtue and value and culture and faith. Women transcend death in the flesh, because their flesh is nature, and nature is eternal. When my mother sees me, she sees herself in time. When you have a son you always adopt him, because you didn’t birth him.
I have to learn to live like this, I have to be able to sacrifice my son. I have to be able to offer everything, and ask for nothing. I have to be prepared to live without ever feeling seen, or known, or understood, or held. I have to be able to be a rock. The desire to give myself over and be known is unvirtuous. God tested Abraham not to investigate his character, but that Abraham might have the opportunity to show ultimate faith.
The screens, the media, the technology, the ideology, the psychology – we scramble to name the demon, find some way to explain the perceived ”distance” between ourselves and ”Other people” - normies, and so on. It’s media brain, it’s this or that ideology, it’s the concept of ideology itself, its porn, its consumerism, its capitalism, its wokeness, its the universities, its feminism, its weak men, its the red pill, its trying too hard, its not trying hard enough, its this that and the other thing. It doesn’t really matter what it is. Finding out for sure wont do a thing about it – calling it doesn’t change it. That’s not the point. that’s not the problem. If you removed all those things – the screens and the technology and the ideology and the consumerism – you would still be weak of faith.
Call your dad every day and make him feel less alone.