Why subscribe?

I make your brain feel good by read word, I write good blog for u, I blog you long time. Subby subby 5 dollar. Paying me gives you power over me as we enter into a whore-John relationship. Who’s who? Whatever you want baby. Put the money on the table.

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Please give me money for writing about whatever shit I’m on about at any given time. The same stuff that I would write schizothreads on twitter about. I am going to write them and post them either way. Everything is free and nothing is paywalled. Please give me money anyway.

There’s not going to be an increase in quality or research or presentation. The format itself changes things, that’s unavoidable and neither good nor bad. I don’t think so at least. The most notable difference being, more long-form structured thought, and less pointless vulgarity. Less puns and bad jokes. Although maybe I should write them down a make a weekly collection or something.

Quantity though, probably a whole lot. Frankly, I crave posting real bad.

I am never going to run out of subjects, because *I* am the problem, not the world. The spice will flow until the day I die. It’s a temperamental thing that’s a core aspect of my personality now, that will never, ever heal. I literally think these things all day.

Generally speaking: short stories, essays on various subjects I happen to think about, gradually collecting all my armchair psychology talking points and theories from over the years into a more coherent and navigable format. History ideology psychology philosophy – together, we can end it all forever.

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Please shill my content to your many thousands of followers and join together with roughly a thousand guys to pay me autism-bucks. Please overtly endorse the product and advertise for me. I’d do it myself, but, you know. I got banned for posting a picture that was in a mainstream newspaper 4 years ago, which is now verboten and I can’t even write the term for my alleged offence (e-speech whilst wearing a hat) without it getting picked up by a robot and put in my case file. Fun times.


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I’ve set the monthly payment at 5 bucks based on how that’s the price for the BAPcast, which is a product I enjoy and respect, and my gut reaction was, on a monthly basis, I can’t produce something of greater value than that. But maybe I can match it.

If a 200 guys do that, that’s all my monthly expenses covered. I’m opening the books for you. I don't know what kind of budgets you guys live on, but I assume that’s a drop in the ocean for a lot of guys. If anyone oil rich is interested we can set up a more traditional slavery/patronage situation. I am haunted by the imagery of 5k twitter followers, *brand theme song* “if each were worth a dollar, then […]”

However it is important to me on a personal level, that you do not consider this primarily as a business transaction (even though it is and I would feel a business level of obligation), and instead consider it charity for an imbecile.

Big Money Tuesday | Johnny Goodtimes

I stress that I am going to write these things anyway, because it is something I need to do. You are not paying me to free up my time and write more or better things, or think more or better thoughts. The primary impact it has is making me, personally, happier.

Although I loathe to admit it, the amount of self-pity bullshit (like the stuff I’ve been posting the last couple of days) would probably become less prominent, and there’d be more fun and smart stuff. I just hate to hold myself hostage to sell, what is ultimately, a blog. Seems very crazy to me. But I guess there’s no way around it, and wishing that I wasn’t a piece of shit doesn’t do much. Wish that you weren’t a piece of shit in one hand and shit in the other, etc.

Finally here’s an example of what I consider to be good recent posts representative of the quality you have come to expect from the fine people at Egg Report, that you could tell your friends about, to convince them to give me their money.







Thank you for your time. Give me all your money.

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I’ve reconsidered the book thing a little bit. I might collect my fairy tales, the weasel and the scorpion, the deaf-mute beggar who got turned into a prince, etc, and write some more, under the brand of “industrial fairy tales”, that seems like something small scale enough for me to finish. Like a cool riff on magical realism (old), industrial fairy tales (bold). Get it? I thought that would be pretty good.

Also, you can reach me at bookreport@yandex.com for any reason at all.

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etymology party tricks/satire for the edutainment of the deaf and blind. an anonymous support group for handsome men


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Satire for the edutainment of the deaf and blind 2: Book Report